


Fred Weasley's failed funeral

by Bacner



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Divergence, Drabble, Gen, Some Dark Humor, Some Humor, Some potential angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:01:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24762007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bacner/pseuds/Bacner
Summary: No, it isn't what you think, but quite the other way around.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 8





	Fred Weasley's failed funeral

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lila_luscious1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lila_luscious1/gifts), [Patty_Parker60](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patty_Parker60/gifts), [bichita_36e](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bichita_36e/gifts), [dd_83701](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dd_83701/gifts).



> Disclaimer: J-Ro owns everyone.

…The funeral of Fred Weasley was in full swing: all of the (Weasley) women were sobbing, all of the (Weasley) men were grim, and all of the guests, (regardless of their gender), were appropriately subdued, since one of the two Hogwarts’ biggest prankers, (since the Marauders, anyhow), was dead, and it was no joke.

“Oh, for whom have you abandoned us?” Molly Weasley wailed. “Aye, one of my best sons too! Our fair falcon-“

Abruptly Fred Weasley sat up and opened its eyes, which were dark and blank and empty. “Brains,” he/it said in a completely emotionless voice, revealing a mouthful of decidedly non-human voice. “Brains!”

“Eeee!” Ginny Weasley’s squeal broke the sudden silence, as it became obvious that this time, neither of the Weasley twins, (nor anyone else, really), was joking. “Eeeee!” her squeal seemed to break both earth and heavens. “Eeeee!”

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake!” Minerva McGonagall snapped, as she remembered that she was a master of Transfigurations, (among other things), and promptly transfigured the not-quite-revived Fred into a statue. ‘There! Problem solved! And he’s his very own monument, too!”

“Um,” Ginny Weasley cleared her throat and opened her mouth, but-

“And the next Weasley, regardless of age, gender, and other factors, who opens their mouth to complain, will take the late Mr. Fred’s place in the casket!!” McGonagall continued to bellow.

Every Weasley, (and everyone else), closed their mouths. “Good,” McGonagall calmed down some. “Now let’s finish this travesty of a funeral!”

And so they did.


End file.
